1. the you & i music video started playing when i landed at sfo. for real.
2. the hardest part about long haul flights, for me, is not achey muscles or fatigue or crying babies…its the smell…after like 2 hrs the plane smells like a fart cave and it only gets worse from there.
Ariana admired her left side in the mirror. She loved her left side, the way her perfect chin curved into her perfect neck which curved into her perfect clavicles. Fuck, she loved her clavicles. Only on her left side though. Her right side made her clutch her stomach and think “Why did I eat Macaroni and Cheese with hot dogs in it last night?” Her right side made her vow to starve. Because starving was suffering, and the essence of life was to suffer.
Justin Bieber sipped on lean and 7UP and unabashedly checked out Ariana’s ass. His final score was a 4 out of 10. She had thigh gap but that kinda freaked him out, to be honest. He texted Selena “Ariana has a thigh gap, it kind of freaks me out” and immediately she responded “LOL.” Wow, she really got him. Too bad that Justin knew for a fact that love wasn’t real, that everybody was selfish and that when Olivia Pope said “I want that heartbreaking, real painful kind of love” she wasn’t being romantic, she was a fucking lunatic. He liked strip clubs WAYYYY better than love and that’s why he wasn’t going to put a fucking ring on Selena’s sexy finger. On that note he had an idea, he texted Chanel Jeffries “Sup.”
Ariana knew Justin loved her. She knew he coveted her. Since the first time they met and he slipped his arm around her and took an intimate yet approachable way. Now that Ariana was more famous than Justin she knew he WORSHIPPED Her. How could he not? She was perfect! Talented, she never lip-synched, beautiful with a real personality! She sat next to him and purred, “Hey baby, how you feeling?”
He stared at her. He felt okay all the time. That’s what was cool about lean. You completely hijacked the normal flow of being a human being. He didn’t feel great, he didn’t feel terrible, he just felt chill all the time. Isn’t that what people wanted from him? To be chill? He used to drink whiskey and drag race in Miami but people told him he couldn’t and now he did lean and felt chill. People needed to make up their fucking minds.
She put her hand on his crotch. She felt like a Saint. Like Mother Teresa, leading a wayward son home. She would tell him after their brief but intense love-making session: “You can’t tell anybody about this” and he would hurt. Yes, he would hurt. He may never recover but at least he will have this night. This one perfect night. At least he’ll have that on his long and torturous tumble from fame.
He looked down at the hand on his crotch and then at Ariana’s heavily made up face. He texted Selena. “OMG she’s trying 2 bone LOL LOL” and immediately Selena said “LOL!!!!!” God, he loved that woman. He shrugged at Ariana. OK, he guessed, they would bone. Why not? He was chill.